A Father's Love
by WonderZoneLust
Summary: Out of all of them, it was Splinter who was supposed to be the most depressed one in this situation. So why couldn't he produce tears or at least feel pain when his elder sons brought an unconscious Michelangelo to the lair? Splinter-centric. Contains suicidal themes.


Out of all of them, it was Splinter who was supposed to be the most depressed one in this situation. So why couldn't he feel it? Why couldn't he produce tears or at least feel pain when his elder sons brought an unconscious Michelangelo to the lair?

He had just finished making his tea when he saw three sons carrying their brother who had passed out from the blood loss.

Instead of asking about what had happened to the youngest, he simply watched as they brought him to the lab. He couldn't move nor feel any kind of sadness. It wasn't that he was numb. He just simply didn't feel any kind of pain. And Splinter didn't know why. Why couldn't he feel worry and concern for his youngest? Why couldn't he bring himself to even go up there and panic, let alone at least cry because his own son had tried to commit suicide (judging by the fact that only two places in his body were wounded, wrist and stomach, and Leonardo had mentioned something closely related to that)? Why couldn't he just-.

 _Stop._

He watched as his two eldest sons exited the lab, frustration, worry, and grief in their eyes. Raphael had stormed off to maul the punching bag while Leonardo just sunk into the couch and sobbed.

They were both depressed. So why couldn't he feel the same?

Wasn't he supposed to feel pain as well?

It probably took him five minutes before he could finally walk to them. Leonardo watched him with tear-stained eyes before Splinter nodded.

"What happened to Michelangelo?"

There was no emotion in his tone. There was no hint or proof that he, too, felt a sense of grief heavier than that of his eldest. He was a father to him as well. Shouldn't he be the one who's supposed to be breaking down?

He knew it didn't feel right to have no emotions towards this yet his heart said that there was nothing wrong about it.

Splinter watched as Leonardo desperately tried to squeeze the words out in between his tears.

"M-Mikey...ran off...and...he...had a knife...and...we saw...that...he...was...cutting...his wrists...and...and...he just...stabbed himself..."And Splinter allowed Leonardo to hug him tightly. He felt the blue clad turtle burying his own head into his robe, crying his heart out. Meanwhile, Raphael ran to his room in frustration and finally broke down. Even the rat could feel Donnie suffering a panic attack on his own.

Splinter caught himself finally being depressed only to realize that it was not because of Michelangelo but because of the pain the others were experiencing. How come he would feel devastated over his three sons but not his youngest?

He felt so frustrated. His head hurt. He didn't know what to do.

"Do not worry, my son,"he uttered, still bothered at the fact that his tone has never changed. "He will come back. You just have to help him stand up again."

And yet he couldn't even imagine himself helping Michelangelo find his happiness once again.

It made Splinter think. When was the last time he actually talked to his youngest, let alone interact with him? When was the last time he even acknowledged him for something he's done or even reminded him that he loved him with all his heart? He tried to remember, but found no such memories. It was as if he had never even made him feel like he was as loved as his own brothers. If anything, his only memories of Michelangelo were mostly full of the rat lecturing the turtle for his misbehavior.

 _"Michelangelo, focus on your lesson!"_

 _"Michelangelo, I am very disappointed in you!"_

 _"Michelangelo, what you did to your brother was not nice."_

Whenever he'd say "my sons", the only people that came into his mind were Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello. Never did he once acknowledge Michelangelo as a son. He thought of him as a student, yes. And he knew that he has more potential than all of his brothers combined.

But he never thought of him as his son. He never welcomed the idea. He never tried to get to even know the real him. He could list down everything he knew about the three eldest in pages and books. But he could not even fill up at least one-eighth of a single page when it came to Michelangelo.

 _Maybe that is why he..._

It made Splinter think. Could this have been one of the reasons why Michelangelo decided to take his own life? Did he build a distance so far that he could not see nor feel his son? Did he feel useless? Did he feel that his father never ever even tried to reach out to him, even if it was only a bit? Was the reason why he decided to do this was because the only thing he remembered his father saying to him were painful words?

When Leonardo asked Splinter if Michelangelo could be a leader, he immediately said that it was wrong. During that time, Splinter wanted to slap himself. Why would Leonardo ask such to someone who barely knows him? In fact, it was as if April knew him more than his own father.

But he couldn't outright tell Leonardo to do so.

He didn't want them to think of him as a horrible man. Being a parent is both a danger and curse. A title that is the highest of all kind. But one little mistake could lead him to fall to the lowest pits of the universe.

And he protected it. But at what price?

It made Splinter think.

Did he let his son down so much for him to feel that he wasn't worth it?

Was that the thing he was missing? The love of a father? Did he have to protect his pride too much to the point that he had to exclude the one weak link that could bring him to his downfall? As a sensei, he knew he had potential. But why couldn't his fatherly side accept it?

It made Splinter think.

Did he ever actually think about the welfare of his youngest?

Who was the one who nursed him back to health? Donatello.

Who was the one that chased the storms away from his dreams? His big brothers.

It may sound childish, but Splinter could not help but feel envious. It was as if his role was being fulfilled by his brothers. He was there to teach, yes. But his brothers gave everything he couldn't. And at the same time that without them, he'd still be a cold man despite having one other son by his side.

Would Michelangelo forgive him once he wakes up?

It confused him. It was as if...he doesn't know what he wants. Should he fulfill the role or let him be? And as much as his mind preferred the first choice, the second stated otherwise.

Maybe it was because of the stigma and distance that made his heart cruel towards Michelangelo.

But he wanted to be a better father.

But for some reason, he could not accept that he had made a mistake.

And there it was. The first batch of tears finally came out. But he knew that he wasn't crying because of what his youngest son did to himself.

No. He cried because of the anguish his brothers had to experience because of what he's done.

However, he did feel frustration. But not because of their suffering.

It was because he could never accept the fact that he neglected Michelangelo the most.

And somehow, he had no clue on how to even fix it.

* * *

 **Honestly, if they just interacted for at least one episode, I wouldn't even be writing this sad sap.**


End file.
